Top 10 mistakes in communication in a couple relationship

Any specialist, any book, magazine, website, even any friend who hears about couple problems will bring up communication between partners. Because the truth is that open, efficient, empathetic communication is the key to any successful relationship. It is, at the same time, difficult to keep the gate open to communication and to avoid some mistakes, conscious or rather not.

Everyone has a certain style of communication, a pattern , usually largely influenced by their family of origin. Obviously, it happens that two relationship partners have different styles and hence the conflicts, the avoidance of “serious” discussions and the impression that the other does not understand you.

This blockage can be overcome if the two get to know each other well enough and if they make an effort to understand each other’s style . But there are also certain mistakes that everyone makes when trying to communicate, mistakes that it is good to become aware of.

Top 10 mistakes in communication in a couple relationship

1. Avoidance.

Both when it comes to difficult, sensitive questions from your partner, and when you simply don’t feel like having a conversation, you may tend to avoid it by pretending to be very preoccupied with something else, very sleepy, or trying to – you distract the other’s attention to something else. Error? This is how you convince your partner of your lack of interest and empathy – if he or she comes to you with a question, a problem, and you ignore him/her, how would you like to appear as an involved partner?

2. Assumptions.

Especially in the couple relationship, you tend to make assumptions, to think that you already know what the other person thinks, feels, wants, without asking him/her. Mistake : no matter how well you know or think you know your partner, always show that you are interested in what he/she has to say!

3. Criticism.

Of course, sometimes you have to and it’s really good to tell him what bothers you – otherwise, how will he know that something doesn’t suit you? But be very careful how you criticize : many criticisms tend to be rather destructive; more precisely, the other only hears that he doesn’t do something well, that he is not good at something, etc.. It is more important to hear from you what he does well and what you would like him to do differently, not to always criticize his flaws and mistakes .

4. Lack of empathy.

You know the line: “I don’t mind what you said, it’s how you said it”? Of course you know it! This is because even when our message is meant to be peaceful and calm, the way we convey it influences what the other person understands . So, sarcasm or barely contained irritation completely transforms the message.

5. Gossip about the partner.

Do you have a habit of complaining about your partner to your friends, not to him/her, when something has bothered or annoyed you? What kind of message are you sending like this? What if I said, “I’m not talking to you about what bothered me, I’m waiting for a good gossip with my friends”? Few individuals can stomach the concept that, instead of being discussed in private, what happens in private affects others.

6. The breached word.

Do you tend to promise things and then not keep your word? Do you exaggerate various things and then change your mind, apologizing that you were being carried away when you said them? Nothing damages trust more than breaking your word . It is better not to promise anything, than to know that you might break the promise made to the loved one.

7. Serious discussions when the other is busy.

Perhaps you feel that a conversation cannot be postponed. But especially when it comes to difficult or sensitive discussions, you have to see if your partner has the necessary mood; if he is busy, tired or already nervous, the beginning of a discussion does not bring anything good. Of course, if you never find that “right moment”, at least be careful not to interrupt something important…

8. Preach.

Even if you think your partner acts like a child, don’t treat him/her like a child! Avoid being condescending and giving him/her sermons and life lessons as if you know better and he/she couldn’t do it without your precious help . Advice is good, but only when it’s asked for or when you give it as just your own opinion, not as the only solution!

9. Interruptions.

You wouldn’t make a good impression if you were interrupted when trying to communicate something, right? It is often tempting to interrupt the other person (because they are not right or because you are afraid of forgetting what you want to say), but to be an empathetic and effective conversational partner, you must learn to listen patiently to everything what does the other have to say… And so we arrive at a final communication mistake.

10. You don’t really listen.

It is one thing to hear, another is to actively listen to what is being transmitted to you. You have to make sure that you don’t lose interest and that you really understand what is being said to you. If necessary, ask to be told once more, this shows that you really want to understand. If you’re content to just hear the message and then just wait impatiently for your turn to speak, nothing can guarantee effective communication!